Dear Girl going through a break up,
It hurts to have your heart bruised; especially by someone you trusted and opened up to. I’m familiar with the pain that comes with having to convince yourself of a truth you never thought you’d have to face. To give someone such a sensitive part of yourself and only for him to turn around and abuse it isn’t something you just get over and I get that…
This healing phase and how it is done is crucial to your being able to move on and how you handle future relationships. How you think and evaluate the situation are both very important. I know how easy it is for your emotions to grab hold of your thoughts in times like these; have you thinking some irrational things and believing things that aren’t true. Don’t think I’m ignoring how you feel. Know that your feelings are valid. How you feel matters. However, your feelings aren’t strong enough to get you out of this sis. How you THINK through it will determine how YOU come out of this thing.
Romans 12:2 says “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind,”
I don’t want to hit you with all these super deep lessons but I want to remind you of some things that will prayerfully change your mind and eliminate some of those toxic thoughts you may have.
SO… Here are my top 10 “need-to-knows” after the break up!
1. YOU ARE STILL ENOUGH. Never for one second believe yourself to be less of a person because someone else couldn’t see the amazing person you are. You were amazing before him and you will be amazing after him. God sees you and He knows your heart. He requires nothing of you but to be ALL of who you are.
2. Your heart and how you show love is a reflection of the person YOU ARE. It has nothing to do with him and how he chose to receive it. Your love is enough. Though your heart may be a bit bruised, it doesn’t have to be broken. It still works.
3. You can and you will love again. Your heart is only recovering. You’d be surprised how resilient the heart is literally and physically. It doesn’t have to be out of the game.
4. You don’t have to build walls around your heart or push everyone who truly loves you away in fear of being hurt again. Don’t rob anyone of the privilege to know the real you and you, them. Keep your heart guarded and monitor who you let in, yes, but do not become bitter and let NO ONE in. Just be mindful that not everyone in every moment should have access.
5. You aren’t stupid or weak for missing him. As I’ve mentioned before, your feelings are valid and you are human. Give yourself that time and that space to get things back on track but know that you aren’t forever scarred or broken. Acknowledge that you’re hurt and let it run its course. It will get easier. Sweeping the situation under the rug will not eliminate the mess…only push it further into the bucket of things to deal with later. IT WILL RESURFACE.
6. Deleting and unfollowing him on everything imaginable is not childish and it is not petty. You are not declaring defeat. In fact, it’s a wise thing to do. Your goal is to get back to a place where you can focus on yourself! Keeping up with his life doesn’t help you rebuild yours. It’ll only frustrate you.
7. GOD is still God and He is still good. He hasn’t forsaken you and He’s not out to get you. He hasn’t taken anything away from you that wouldn’t have left on its own. He expects the best for you and you should expect the best as well. Do not question your faith. God has been good to you before this and He’s going to be good to you through it and after it.
8. You are not obligated to get even with him. Hurting him like he hurt you won’t make you feel any less broken. Let him do him and you will eventually see and appreciate the fact that you dodged a bullet. Leave him alone.
9. NO…your guy friend whom you’ve never been interested in is not “the ONE” right now. He’s helping you cope and get through this break up but beware of how you interpret his intentions. You’re in a vulnerable state and it’s easy to think you know what you’re doing. Truth is, you might, but you must give yourself time to break free of any emotional attachments to someone else before you go making decisions in regards to getting in new relationships.
10. If you’ve heard anything in your relationship that may have come across hurtful, chew the meat and spit out the bones. Sometimes we throw away every experience, conversation and insight that was given to us by our significant other because the relationship is over. Sometimes, because the person was closer to you than most, they may have commented on certain things in your character, behavior and attitude that may have had an ounce of truth to it. Learn from everything.
These were all things I had to remind myself of when my emotions wanted to take over. They’re all things my family and closest friends poured into me to counteract everything negative that I was feeling. I pray that this helps and that you find remind yourself of these things every chance you get. As I’ve mentioned in “The Process”…
How you cope with the adversity that has happened is more important than the sum of hurt that leads you to these moments.
Feel free to contact me via the website, leave comments or hit the TALK BACK section if you need to talk or need any advice. I’m no love doctor, but I’ve been there before and sometimes…that’s all you need.
Love you through it,