I wore sweatpants and tears for Valentine’s Day. I could sit here and tell you that Valentine’s Day is stupid and it’s just another day but we all know the pressure is real and the emotions get all out of whack the moment Walgreens puts up their pink and red Hershey KISSES display. Speaking of Hershey Kisses, the only thing beneficial to me on V-Day has always been the discounted chocolate. I looooooooove chocolate…but I digress.
I tried to pretend it was a normal day. I tried my hardest to make February 14th just the day after February 13th but the constant posts of roses and cute couples WOULD NOT let me forget that it was the day I WOULDN’T be wined and dined. It stood out that I was single more than on any other day. It honestly got so overwhelming to the point where I just sat there…wishing I wasn’t in the position I was in, wishing I was this girl, that girl…any girl but me. Pitiful is what it was. I mean I love my sweats, I love my sloppy buns and I can cry on demand but it got tiring trying to live through everyone else’s Instagram posts. So last year, I did what most single women do. I went out alone. Only difference you ask? I went alone BY CHOICE this time.
Something clicked in my brain (after the eighth tissue). It hit me that I had been single EVERY Valentine’s Day so why was I acting like I had never been here before? This was not a new position. Though not necessarily preferred, it was what it’s always been. At what point was I going to be content in not a season of loneliness, but in a season of being with ME and ME alone? At what point was I going to stop wasting time and maximize the freedom I had to focus on me and only me? What a gift that is…and I finally understood that.
I became so accustomed to being that single, lonely and bitter chick that something inside of me finally snapped. I realized that I’ve done a lot of growing in so many areas in my life. There was no reason for me not to acknowledge and embrace the single life for what it was – or wasn’t. On February 14th, 2014, I woke up early, did my hair and make-up, bought myself a new MK purse, took a selfie, went to dinner and caught a good movie. And ya know what? I got every snack I wanted INCLUDING the $50 chicken tenders! That‘s a big deal for people who obsess over budgets like I do. The 6.50 Kids Pack is usually where it’s at.
Honestly ya’ll, I just decided to enjoy the company of me.
It was as simple as that and I actually had a pretty good time. You don’t always need a big pep talk or super deep epiphany to get to this point. You just need to get fed up enough at all of the time being wasted on self-pity.
Now don’t get me wrong…I do long to be “bae”…BELIEVE ME. The struggle is real!!!! However, I couldn’t keep letting that make me obsessed over the fact that I’m not (yet) someone’s boo. Neither should you. Go figure YOU out. What do you like? What’s your favorite flower? What restaurants do you like to eat at? Do you prefer satchels or totes? Walk around a different museum, try new macaroon flavors, add raspberry to your vanilla bean frappuchino….Get exposed to new things –like yourself. No need to wait for someone else to light a fire under you.
You have this amazing opportunity to invest all of your time into learning and creating this amazing person you are. Don’t wait until it’s time to share yourself with someone else to get to know you. When your Mr. comes along, he should only be joining the party, not throwing it.
Go start living NOW girl! Your booless days are numbered and no, you don’t know when your number will be called but enjoy the time until that day comes. No more boohoos.
I whole heartedly pray that you experience all God has out there for you. Have a blast and don’t sweat the big question…
“Will you be my Valentine? “