This piece is a little different. I just want to relate today..
I know how you feel. Stuck. Stagnant even. Busy but empty because something is missing. You know what it’s “not” but you have no clue of what it is and that frustrates you to no end. How is it that we can cancel out so many things and still seemingly be left with no answer? Why aren’t we left with definite directions on where to go, who to date, what job to work, what path to take, and exact, personalized instructions on how to go about it all? I can promise you that it’s the most irritating thing to feel like you know who you are….but not really. To feel like you know where you’re going…but not really.
I’m saying that every day, we keep going, navigated by the little pieces we have of what we are, who we are and what we need but sometimes, I wish I could see the full picture –just so I’d know if I was going the right way. I’m moving and moving but I don’t always feel like I’m going anywhere. You know that feeling? It’s like, God, why don’t I feel fulfilled? Why am I always moving around but getting nowhere? I’m doing this. I’m attending here. I signed up for that. This path said it’d get me here in a few years. WHY AM I MOVING BUT NOT GOING ANYWHERE?
- THIS HAS BEEN ME FOR ABOUT TWO MONTHS NOW.
It’s a place I often come to after my highs of definite paths and directions. When I know what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, when I can see the finish line, I hit the ground running unbothered by anything. The moment that high is over, I’m right back in the same, whiny, unsure and inconsistent ditch. The cycle is tiring and quite frankly, it hasn’t proven to be anything but destructive. From experience, I can tell you that it’s only given me room to procrastinate, complain and make empty moves hoping something would spark that fire in me again. Is this where you are in life?
The Lord revealed to me one night that it’s not that I’m stuck, it’s not that I’m stagnant and don’t know where to go because truthfully, I do. It’s that I’m inconsistent and fearful. Maybe you are too. I can’t speak for everyone but I can speak for myself when I say that God often let’s me feel that empty feeling as a warning that I’m off track. He slows me down and doesn’t necessarily take opportunities away, but more so allows me to feel that itch when peace isn’t present.
A really good friend of mine told me that “motion doesn’t always mean progress” and I get that now. I’ve been running around trying to fulfill this big dream, this big goal and fill this huge void but can’t because my foundation is built on fear. Fear that would lead to inconsistency, which then leads me right back to that dark and stagnant place.
These days, my attitude and walk are like this… –> I don’t always know where I’m headed and sometimes I want to see the finish line to guarantee success; to avoid failure and be sure of everything…but I’m tired of doing God’s job. Ha. I’m not equipped with what it takes to know everything there is to know about when, how, and why because it’s not my job. I’m learning that all I can do is my best with what it is that I can control. That’s how consistent I am, my time management, my “stick-to-it-tiveness”, my prayer, my studying, my hearing…
We’re human and we sometimes feel inadequate. That’s normal….but I promise, you can do anything you want if you keep moving, keep pressing and see the vision regardless of what’s going on around you. That’s the only way to counteract those stuck feelings you always seem to come back to. Slow down and remember, the dream is attainable…and you can accomplish so much if you stop moving in fear and start going places in faith and hard work.
Two scripture references that have been helping me out in these season..
Jeremiah 29: 11-14 “For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.”
Isaiah 42: 16 “I will bring the blind by a way they did not know; I will lead them in paths they have not known. I will make darkness light before them, And crooked places straight. These things I will do for them, And not forsake them.”
Love you through it!