He said that the restrictions we had were putting a strain on our relationship… and I didn’t know how to feel. Kind of offended but left contemplating lowering my guards, I was in the passenger’s seat. He leaned over to my side and gave me a kiss on the cheek that oddly lasted longer than most do. Being the awkward person that I am, I sat there trying to find something to talk about. Seriously just babbling about absolutely nothing and then I felt his lips on my neck. LORD JESUS. “What is this feeling?” I started stumbling over my words but I did my best to just say ANYTHING that would ruin the moment. Nothing worked and next thing you know, I was up against the passenger window and he was going IN on my neck. Slowly but surely, I started fading off into my own mind thinking….
“Is this…my spot? OMG! I HAVE A SPOT! Act natural. Breathe. In out…in out. Act like you’ve been here before (but I hadn’t – Jesus!). Good Lord from a burning bush on Zion, how is he doing this? I wonder how far I can go …I wonder what my limit is. Man. Why am I waiting again?”
IN THAT MOMENT, I learned exactly what people meant by “the wait ain’t easy.” It was amazing to me how easy it was to lose grip of my self-control and want to just keep going…and going…and going. I never thought I’d be the one considering testing my limits. Up until that moment, waiting had always been so easy because I had never been tested before. I was usually good at killing these situations but this time, I was dealing with a pretty bold guy who knew exactly what he was doing. He didn’t ask, he just went for it. For the first time ever, my mind was wavering between yes and no and my body was all in.
Good Lord from a burning bush on Zion, how is he doing this?
This feeling, his aggression, his touch; it was all so new to me and for most, a kiss on the neck is no big deal, but for me it was a turning point. He had awakened something in me that I never knew was there and I seriously learned a lot about myself that night. See, you have to understand that growing up, I was that girl whose skirts were always long enough. My finger-tips never touched bare skin and my jeans were always too big. Mom played endless Kirk Franklin and Commission tapes and church was the highlight of every weekend. I mean I just stopped buying my underwear from Walmart a few years ago. :/ (Hey, those 6 packs were cost-effective).
Sex and anything even remotely close to it were the furthest things from my mind. Back in high school, if someone would’ve told me that at 23 I’d be holding onto my virginity for dear life, I’d laugh. I thought I was untouchable and had no real reason to question “the wait” until I got a dose of what was on the other side of my virginity.
…the need to understand and be confident in WHY I’m waiting until marriage to have sex is more necessary than ever before. Every day the temptations, opportunities and curiosities smack me in the face and it has become more apparent that my nerve endings work EXACTLY the way they are supposed to.
SO…why is it that this young, single and vibrant woman who has been DANGEROUSLY close to the edge (sarcasm) deciding to wait until marriage to have sex for the first time with her husband?
Because just holding the box of matches that almost lit a fire I wasn’t prepared to put out was enough for me. It’s easy to be told about waiting while growing up but it’s a whole new thing to be face to face with the option NOT TO; especially for me having never even experienced my first kiss.
Actually experiencing that rush was overwhelming to me because in a matter of seconds, I was contemplating my decision to wait and with no God in mind. It wasn’t about how simple that kiss on my neck was.
If I had channeled my inner Drake and “YOLO’d”, it I could have gotten me into a pretty nasty situation (literally and figuratively).
The loss of control for that split moment and my frame of thinking as it was happening was the dangerous part. It all could have gone completely south and with a guy I was no longer with just a month later. SMH.
I’m waiting because as a single woman and as a believer, I have too much to lose and everything to gain. I desire to fulfill my purpose and serve God in every way I can. I’m maximizing the HECK out of this single life. To do this, remaining focused is crucial. I can’t honor God while wavering back and forth with out-of-control emotions on whether or not God gets all of me. Sometimes, your only weapon is the Word. In 1 Corinthians 6:18, it says “flee fornication.” That’s all you have in these situations sometimes because the heat in those moments will make you want to change your mind. In my opinion, sex before it’s time complicates things. It blurs lines that are there to help you determine where your standards and expectations are to be. It clouds judgment and leaves little room for logic in situations where the heart is incapable of making wise decisions. I don’t know about you but for me, it’s one or the other.
I never thought I’d say this…but I thank God for the insecurities I had growing up. Not that insecurities are blessings but the Word says “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:38. They kept me from giving away so many precious pieces of myself.
Me and CEO & founder of Worth The Wait Revolution, Lindsay Warren, at the WTWR Annual Gala. It’s a ministry that reps sexual purity with contemporary style and urban class. SO DOPE! She’s been an amazing mentor all these years.
Sex is not included in the season I’m in and that’s ok. It’s not easy but the fulfillment I feel everyday knowing that I’m waiting for my husband gives me the strength to focus on all God has for me. I ain’t missing nothin’ but unnecessary soul ties. God hasn’t failed me…and I trust Him with every area of my life, including my sex life. When/if that time comes to commit to one man for the rest of my life, I can promise you I’ll be so in tune with myself and ready to take the next step because I didn’t rush the process. I didn’t rush the season. I know this and I’m content in this. I believe this. Please know that the future hubby will GET IT…but until then…I’m coolin’.
So, after asking myself this question a gagillion times…I’m curious to know…
Why are YOU waiting?
Really think about it. Did you just happen to not have had sex all this time or was it on purpose that you didn’t end up in some guy’s bed? Are you afraid? Are you waiting because God or your Pastor said so? Are you waiting for a guy you just love or the man you marry? You may find yourself in a situation that your body may not want to flee from in the future so why would you force yourself to leave? Until you can confidently answer that question and walk in your response, you’re likely to fall into so many unnecessary struggles. Your purity deserves back up and if you haven’t claimed it, unfamiliar circumstances, hormones, low self-esteem, and societal pressures will do it for you.
So again…why are you waiting?