Part 2: The instructions; P.s: Do not tell him…
Ok so at this point, I’m still sitting in my car, in complete disbelief…but this HAD to be God. For one…there were instructions. Two, these instructions went against everything natural in me to do when told someone I’m kind of feelin’ will be mine one day; Lol.
Let’s start with the beginning. First thing I wrote down... #1. His heart is a place only I, outside of God, can go. My current position is to stay consistent with learning myself…and not learning how to be His, but God’s…so that I will grow and keep growing into the woman God has called me to be. … My current assignment is not to move towards what I now know. It’s to move WITH what I know while sharpening and learning what I don’t know. It is to continue traveling and pursuing God and wisdom. Just continue to seek opportunities to GROW.
Let me be the first to pass the collection plate on this one. THIS WAS GOOD. Because God knows my heart and my habit of acting on emotion and impulse, He slowed my hiney cheeks down. He gave me instruction that both told me where I am and where I was to stay, period. He said it is not to move with the intent of reaching a particular goal, but to move with the knowledge that I will reach it while learning all I need to learn in order to obtain it and sustain it in the process. Over time, I grew an understanding of what all this meant. You’ll get to read more in detail about how I grew to understand it and the chaos in Part 3, but I’ll let you in on this bit. It meant that I was to completely FORGET ABOUT DUDE, and insert SELF.
–But Rhe’…How do you hear about your husband and then completely erase him from the equation? –
That’s the same question I had. You can only imagine the initial level of confusion I had here. If it were up to me, he’d already be mine or at least know it. But my guess at what God was trying to tell me was that though I am to be his wife, my heart and focus had to belong to Him first. COMPLETELY!
1 Corinthians 7:32 further confirmed that later but at first, I wasn’t rockin’. I mean if you’ve ever been to any church single’s night, women’s conference or anything dealing with being single and saved, then you’ve heard “get closer to God on your own first” a million times. It gets old pretty fast and it does nothing to help those very human lonely moments. The Bible does not have sexy, masculine arms to wrap you up yo…LET’S BE REAL. Though it's what we’re called to do, it’s just not what you want to hear or WANT to do when you’re craving that connection with someone. Oddly enough though, this time was different. The cliché teaching had more meaning to me; at least for the first couple of weeks of having these instructions. Like everything having to do with Church and whatever else I had going on in relation to God suddenly had more…meaning. It had more of a distinct purpose; not because God told me I was to be someone’s wife, but because it gave me an understanding as to how God preps me for any and everything I do; in how he equips me with whatever I need.
Still though, I couldn’t understand why He’d tell me who my husband was and then tell me to just ignore that part. Turns out, He didn’t tell me to ignore it. While writing the instructions, He threw in that my worth and understanding of who I am will push and challenge him [future bae] to be more aware of his calling, purpose and understanding of who HE is. -THIS IS WHERE EVERYTHING STARTED TO SOMEWHAT COME TOGETHER. – This goes back to my last point in the paragraph before this one. God told me that preparing to be a wife had nothing to do with my husband or even so called “wifely duties.” Though those would someday come, they were not what would grow or sustain me in ANYTHING. He said that knowing and understanding my worth and walking in that to the FULLEST would benefit my husband because it would aid in both the foundation and overall structure of our roles in a union. It would define them clearly, helping him to pinpoint, execute and sharpen his role by way of my iron. God showed me the parallel that being a woman in any position had nothing to do with the position itself but both being and having the tools necessary to own it, maximize it and exceed the expectation of that position IN LIFE ALL AROUND! This really had nothing to do with my future husband but in who I was in God without Him. God told me that there are no better halves, just two wholes coming together. Well, He's building my whole. It would only be magnetized and sharpened in a marriage. …A marriage grounded in Christ.
-Sighs- Honestly, I wish I could tell you that all that was enough to really help me out when the trials started to come but it seemingly wasn't. Focusing on myself and building with God wasn't easy man.. It's a real struggle to take my hands off of it all because you hear people say things like let go and let God and you think you’re doing that until you’re ACTUALLY doing that. It’s no joke. I’m a control freak sometimes so not steering my life, especially with it heading in a direction like this, was totes weird.
The weirdest part was the last instruction. Do NOT tell him. Waiiiiiitttt bruhhh... Seriously?? Lol. Yooooo.. so how was this supposed to work? What do YOU MEAN????? How was I really going to know unless I spoke to him and he agreed too? What if...maybe…just maybe he wouldn’t find me if I didn’t at least give him a hint? All these thoughts rushed in... even after all that good Word and...confirmation? o_O?
Read about how I'm COPING in Part 3.