Part 1: When I heard it...
It was almost a year ago now, but I remember it so vividly. It was 5:47pm on a Wednesday and I was just getting home from work. Still sitting in my car with The Willie Moore Jr. Show blasting, and doing something on my phone, I heard God loud and clear. He was going to be my husband. It wasn’t like a voice you’d hear from someone you’re physically talking to. It wasn't audible in that sense. It was more of a deep knowing. It was not a feeling but I felt it. As sure as I know my name, I just suddenly…knew.
-I flipped- What the heck Jesus?
Let me be the first to say… This sounds completely bonkers!! It took me awhile to write about it because I feared looking and sounding like a crazy person. Everybody wants to know who they’re going to spend the rest of their life with. I’m no different. Life and relationship decisions all around would be easier because there’s a promised outcome; however most of the believers I know would attest to the "experience" that God doesn’t work like that. It’s never THAT simple. -OR SO I THOUGHT-. (Getting used to this whole truth that being a friend of God comes with the perk of Him just sharing things with me is a journey in itself.)
Anyway, I doubted super hard. (Can you even do that? Lol) I can be an emotional person at times and I have to check myself regularly. As women, sometimes we go a bit overboard with the crush piece. Immediately, we start planning our lives with people we have feelings for and we create these expectations that they aren’t even aware of. We then walk around disappointed and heartbroken, blaming them for stuff WE DO TO OURSELVES. SO OF COURSE I instantly thought…”SURELY I'm hearing from a place of emotion and the mere fact that I sort of like this person.” I was NOT going to be that chick. I refused. I was not going to be the woman who knew who her husband was. It was too sappy, too easy.. It went against everything I thought I had learned about how this God/marriage thing worked.
Nope...wasn't going to do it.
To protect myself from my emotions, my thoughts and all those little girly feelings...I doubted it and chucked it off with "I'm trippin'." No way was I hearing this. But then...came the instructions.
It honestly wasn't until I heard God's instructions following this new information that I began to consider this actually being the voice of God. I mean if we're being honest.
See I had been working on strengthening my discernment between my will and God's will. You know sometimes you can feel something so strongly that you only see life and circumstances through the lens of YOUR will. You begin to filter everything that happens through your desired outcome and believe it all to be true. Tunnel-vision is a real thing and sometimes, when not focused on the right things...the REAL things...we miss the direction God is trying to steer us in.
These instructions were how I knew God was in this. This type of revelation does not at all benefit the “swerve Queen” persona I've worked so hard to portray so I knew it wasn't me. Lol. I’d never make something like that up or even think it. Sure, like most, I daydream from time to time about what my wedding day will be like; what my life after marriage and sex for the first time would be like; the Pinterest sessions and other girly things. Never would I knowingly put myself in a position to be THIS vulnerable and give someone the deepest parts of me, especially when there's no relationship between us. Too scary.. I like to win… and I didn’t feel vulnerability aided in that.
But these instructions thoooooo...
Read the instructions in Part 2 tomorrow!